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Happy Fathers Day

It's been 10 weeks since my dad died, in that time I've already had his first birthday without him and now it's the first Fathers Day without him :(

I've got to admit, I felt relatively ok when I woke up and then I made the mistake of logging on to Facebook. Wow I hate Facebook and all of the stupidly happy over the top people on my friends list and their stupid 'Happy Fathers Day to the best dad in the world' statuses. I hate every single one of them. 

I know it's completely irrational but right at this moment I can't help it. I'm a blubbering snotty mess that can't even force herself to go to the graveyard even though I hate myself for that cos it looks like I don't care, I know I need to go but it's hard. I want to just wrap my arms around my dad and tell him how much I love him, that I'm sorry for all the times I was a complete bitch but that I never ever meant the horrible crap I used to come out with. I just want my dad back :(

As for the ex, he still hasn't bothered with the kids since the day my dad died so he got the same for Fathers Day as I've got the last few years for Mothers day, Christmas and Birthdays from him on behalf of the kids....a big fat nothing! I would have got him a card or something but I couldn't find one that was representative of the kind of dad he is ;)

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